God Is Good, All The Time

"'Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you.'" And he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city how much Jesus had done for him." Luke 8:39

I have always been so fascinated with hearing people speak their testimonies. I love listening to the way the Lord finds his way into the hearts around us and chooses to shine His light through the lives of others. I never thought I would have the chance to share my testimony because I never thought I would have something "terrible" happen to me. Many times the term testimony draws people in and makes them think something sad or life-threatening took place in order to become a follower of Jesus. I am happy to say this is not necessarily the case. 

For those of you who know how emotional I can be, sharing my testimony online is something I have pondered for quite some time. My testimony has been something I have kept personal because there are parts of it that I never wanted to claim happened. The Lord has worked through me in mighty ways throughout the last year, and I have high hopes in sharing my story and allowing others to cope through whatever turmoils they may be facing. 

I always had a heart longing for God, but I never knew how to fully take control of my walk with Christ until I started college. During my Sophomore year, I found myself taking on more than I could handle: 16 hours of course work. Work study. Softball. Phi Mu. I began sinking. By the time Spring semester came around, I became a different person. I was moody. Always tired. I could cry at any given moment and for any given amount of time. I cried for four innings during a softball game while batting and catching behind home plate simply because I could not take my focus off how much school work I was behind on. I became a prisoner of my anxiety. I no longer wanted to go to school. I didn't want to leave my room, let alone my bed. The desire to interact with people disappeared. I reached a trial of depression. 

I never told anyone my thoughts that came along with depression because of fear. I was "the person who had it all together." I was hiding behind a mask covered in smiles and laughter, and I didn't want people thinking or viewing me any different than the person I try to portray every day. I didn't want my parents worried about me, even though they already were, and I kept telling myself I didn't have time to focus on me. "I don't have time" was my favorite phrase. I started thinking about what life would be like without all the stress and anxiety on my shoulders, and how relieved I would feel to not have a single worry in the world. It was a time I was at my lowest, and it's one of the scariest times I have ever faced in my life. I had so many amazing people always looking out for me, but I never wanted any of them to know what I was dealing with. I turned towards God in the most negative way. Questioning him and asking why I was feeling the way I felt. Why anyone would doubt themselves as much as me and fear failure. God and I weren't the best of friends.

Then Camp Glisson happened. I was so excited for the summer to arrive because I could finally get away from school and leave all the negative thoughts that had overcome my life. I was captivated by the love shown to me in nine short weeks, and I found God's grace and everlasting love after the worst time of my life. There were moments throughout the summer I found myself crying during worship as I felt every negative feeling I had last semester stripped from my body. I rediscovered myself and the person God intended for me to be. I found purpose. I love the people who filled the Chacos in this picture because they helped me feel the belonging I had been searching for. The belonging in the world that we all strive to find. Glisson will always be one of those homes for me because its where I can return to and declare how much God has done for me.

My testimony is filled with so much emotion, but so much understanding. While I hope to never find myself in those dark places again, I cannot help but be thankful for them. I have seen and felt what it is like to be lifted by His hands. There will come times where everything seems impossible to conquer, but I know that all things work together for our good.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I have found a new understanding for others, but more importantly I have found a new understanding of God and all He is capable of. "God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good."

With Love & Laughter,

Alison