Im Thinking Out Loud

 Adulting: to behave like an adult; to do the things adults regularly have to do

The concept is quickly approaching, as college graduation is a little over a month away. Every time I tell someone that I am spending my undergrad studying psychology, they always come back with "Where are you getting your Master's Degree? I didn't initially choose Psychology as a major not because I didn't love it, but because I knew I would have to continue my education. Loans are a real and powerful thing, and I wasn't able to commit to a degree that pretty much required me to go to graduate school. Here I am four years later deciding between graduate schools because the Lord has continued to bless me with the opportunity of decision making. 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

Peace is such a beautiful thing. Anxiety and fear has taken the place of peace for most of my life, so the feeling of peace is quite an emotional one for me. Crying has always been negatively labeled throughout my life. I will be the first one to tell you that my body contains more water than others because I sure know how to shed a tear or two. I use crying as an outlet. I have cried tears of fear, tears of sadness and tears of frustration, but the most memorable tears belong to joy and thankfulness.

Two months ago I found myself playing the waiting game regarding graduate school and acceptance/denial notifications. I was cleaning up my apartment and putting things away in my room when I started talking to God. The conversation went along as if He was sitting on my bed. I talked about graduate school and how nervous I was to hear back from various colleges. I started crying and throwing my hands about like any girl does when she is in conversation. I felt the same tears run down my face that fell two years ago after changing majors. It was in that moment that I felt God taking me back through the last two years of college and replaying everything I have accomplished since then. I quickly realized how far I had made it, and that realization was guided by the Lord himself. The peace He has given me is unlike anything the world could ever provide.

 In this conversation, there were no feelings of anxiety, fear and worry. I began thanking Him for allowing me to find my passion and academic talents. I thanked Him for my internship because without it my heart would have never been molded the way it was. I thanked him for my family, friends and boyfriend for always believing in me and loving me on my most difficult days. I apologized for doubting His works and becoming impatient. I told Him the decisions had already been made by His hands, and I would wait for His timing. 

I never told anyone about this "Come to Jesus Meeting" that I had with God that night. It was such a special feeling that I wasn't sure if anyone would understand. I am sure my apartment neighbors wondered who I was talking to that night because they never heard anyone reply back. I have spent my entire life waiting to hear God's voice. I have never doubted His presence, but I wanted to know what he sounded like. I am here to say His words are gentle but powerful. They will bring you to your knees along with tears flowing from your eyes. While my memory may be weak, this conversation will never be forgotten.

I pray for other's to hear His voice the way I heard it that night. It is through his continuous love that my passion for children and mental health has flourished. I will never doubt His timing again because He continues to amaze me on a daily basis. Peace be with you.

With Love & Laughter,
Alison